Sunday, December 6, 2009
old stuff...
went through my old emails in hotmail...like really old..way back in 2002, 2003...
gosh...felt strange reading a few of them...its been what almost 7-8 years now...
how things have change...so much!
gosh...felt strange reading a few of them...its been what almost 7-8 years now...
how things have change...so much!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Birthday!!!
So finally it's my birthday! ... and I turn 25! 25!!!! O gosh, I feel old!
My birthday went quite nice. The previous night (i.e. 25th) was SA's birthday, so that evening, we went out for dinner with friends. SA and I decided that we would treat them. The food was really good (there goes my gymming!). After dinner, we had about 2 hours before the clock struck 12! We walked a little bit in downtown SJ before we rushed backed home. It was obvious that these folks had something up their sleeves for my birthday and I did not even pretend to act ignorant.
At midnight, all my friends gathered at my place. The feeling of hearing knocks on my door was just so blissful. They got the most awesome ice-cream cake till date. People were hesitant to apply it on my face so that they can eat the most out of it, lol! However, having said that, AS and DB took their revenge and decorated my face with cake quite appropriately.
Uske baad, I started to unpack the gifts:). I was so excited. Even though I turned 25, the child in me still remained. I got t-shirts, key-chain, american football(i dont know why i got that since i never played tht sport..lol),etc,etc.
Apart from these, my friends made a special blog for me on my birthday. Many people left birthday messages on that blog. That was something I did not expect at all! It was really special. SS made my bday even special by making a very sweet video of the good memories in the past few years. I never felt so important in recent times:)
After the gift opening ceremony, everyone started sharing their thoughts about me. This has been the tradition over here in our birthdays, where everyone would talk about what they feel towards the birthday boy/girl. And needless to say, I was flattered to hear what all I heard!..lol!....
My friends left around 1-2am in the morning. Uske baad, I went to my room and opened my parents gift. They had packed gifts for me when I had come to M in March. They were like,"open it on your birthday" lol! There were quite a few gifts from them..tshirt, shirts, perfumes...:) It was really nice!
Next day (the actual day of my birthday), I woke up early around 10ish. Spent the morning with myself. In the evening, DB,TA,AS and I went out for dinner. I treated them (which was a surprise to them :) since they were planning on treating me..). We ended my birthday by going to a club. Had a good time there. Danced and danced and danced...
On the whole as I look back, I think this birthday has been one of the better birthdays in the past 2 years. I did wish certain people were with me on my birthday. Khair...jo bhi....
Happy Birthday Anshu!
Btw, I think a birthday is as special to the mom as it is to the child..it was on this day that she gave birth to her child...so Ma...I love you loads!
My birthday went quite nice. The previous night (i.e. 25th) was SA's birthday, so that evening, we went out for dinner with friends. SA and I decided that we would treat them. The food was really good (there goes my gymming!). After dinner, we had about 2 hours before the clock struck 12! We walked a little bit in downtown SJ before we rushed backed home. It was obvious that these folks had something up their sleeves for my birthday and I did not even pretend to act ignorant.
At midnight, all my friends gathered at my place. The feeling of hearing knocks on my door was just so blissful. They got the most awesome ice-cream cake till date. People were hesitant to apply it on my face so that they can eat the most out of it, lol! However, having said that, AS and DB took their revenge and decorated my face with cake quite appropriately.
Uske baad, I started to unpack the gifts:). I was so excited. Even though I turned 25, the child in me still remained. I got t-shirts, key-chain, american football(i dont know why i got that since i never played tht sport..lol),etc,etc.
Apart from these, my friends made a special blog for me on my birthday. Many people left birthday messages on that blog. That was something I did not expect at all! It was really special. SS made my bday even special by making a very sweet video of the good memories in the past few years. I never felt so important in recent times:)
After the gift opening ceremony, everyone started sharing their thoughts about me. This has been the tradition over here in our birthdays, where everyone would talk about what they feel towards the birthday boy/girl. And needless to say, I was flattered to hear what all I heard!..lol!....
My friends left around 1-2am in the morning. Uske baad, I went to my room and opened my parents gift. They had packed gifts for me when I had come to M in March. They were like,"open it on your birthday" lol! There were quite a few gifts from them..tshirt, shirts, perfumes...:) It was really nice!
Next day (the actual day of my birthday), I woke up early around 10ish. Spent the morning with myself. In the evening, DB,TA,AS and I went out for dinner. I treated them (which was a surprise to them :) since they were planning on treating me..). We ended my birthday by going to a club. Had a good time there. Danced and danced and danced...
On the whole as I look back, I think this birthday has been one of the better birthdays in the past 2 years. I did wish certain people were with me on my birthday. Khair...jo bhi....
Happy Birthday Anshu!
Btw, I think a birthday is as special to the mom as it is to the child..it was on this day that she gave birth to her child...so Ma...I love you loads!
Friday, September 25, 2009
One day before D day!
Today was SA's birthday and we celebrated it with style. Got cake, chips, drinks and most importantly amazing company. The best part was when everyone gave their 'speech' about SA...it was just so touching....
On a different note, today is a day before D day and I don't know what to feel. I have always been so excited for this day. Every year, since childhood, I would be waiting for this. I remember, in school, I used to dress up so nicely - I would wear coloured dresses (non-uniform). And I would take lots and lots of chocolates for my classmates and teachers. I used to just enjoy the attention I would get - everyone would notice this one guy who dressed differently from the others - the coloured dressing just made it so obvious. Everyone in the corridor passing by would mumble the soft "Happy Birthday". I used to feel like a prince. And then during recess, I would take my box of chocolates and distribute around. There were some who would so cutely ask me, "A**** one more please" and I would so proudly oblige. I was known to be really generious. lol.... Those were such nice innocent times.
And now, things seem so different. For the past 2 years, my BD has been not quite like I wished it to be. Honestly speaking, I have people around me, but somewhere deep within I seem to have lost my youth. Honestly speaking, I feel really really lonely and I miss my parents a lot. My existance perhaps matters only to them and no one else.
Sometimes, I wonder how it would be if I was not here, but somewhere else or perhaps in India. Sometimes, I want to be with someone but I can't be. Sometimes, you don't realize it before it is too late of what you could have had.
But the fact is that, I am not anywhere else but here. I am not with that someone. I realized it too late. And now I have lost it. But Life... still has to go on.
So I hope tommorow, I can begin a new day, with a new hope and new life in me and not make the mistakes I made earlier.....
On a different note, today is a day before D day and I don't know what to feel. I have always been so excited for this day. Every year, since childhood, I would be waiting for this. I remember, in school, I used to dress up so nicely - I would wear coloured dresses (non-uniform). And I would take lots and lots of chocolates for my classmates and teachers. I used to just enjoy the attention I would get - everyone would notice this one guy who dressed differently from the others - the coloured dressing just made it so obvious. Everyone in the corridor passing by would mumble the soft "Happy Birthday". I used to feel like a prince. And then during recess, I would take my box of chocolates and distribute around. There were some who would so cutely ask me, "A**** one more please" and I would so proudly oblige. I was known to be really generious. lol.... Those were such nice innocent times.
And now, things seem so different. For the past 2 years, my BD has been not quite like I wished it to be. Honestly speaking, I have people around me, but somewhere deep within I seem to have lost my youth. Honestly speaking, I feel really really lonely and I miss my parents a lot. My existance perhaps matters only to them and no one else.
Sometimes, I wonder how it would be if I was not here, but somewhere else or perhaps in India. Sometimes, I want to be with someone but I can't be. Sometimes, you don't realize it before it is too late of what you could have had.
But the fact is that, I am not anywhere else but here. I am not with that someone. I realized it too late. And now I have lost it. But Life... still has to go on.
So I hope tommorow, I can begin a new day, with a new hope and new life in me and not make the mistakes I made earlier.....
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
You belong with me!
You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do
I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do
But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me
Walkin the streets with you in your worn out jeans
I cant help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on the park bench thinkin to myself
Hey isnt this easy?
And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down
You say you find I know you better than that
Hey, Whatcha doing with a girl like that?
She wears high heels, I wear sneakers
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standin by, waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that?
You belong with me
You belong with me
Oh I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh when you know you're about to cry
I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong. I think I know it's with me.
Can't you see that I'm the one who understand you?
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know that
You belong with me
You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me
You belong with me
Monday, September 7, 2009
Nature's Beauty
So yesterday, KB, SS, GT and I went out for a hike to this national park out here. This place is famous for Redwood forest. I was pretty excited to go there because I wanted to go away from the usual day to day activities and blend with nature (it also helps me meditate). We left at around noon and reached there at 2pm. It's this huge forest next to the ocean. We thought of taking this trail that reaches the beach. I had a really good time with these folks. We sang, we danced and we did all kinds of masti on our way. The hike was quite strenuous and we could not complete it since it was getting dark. We returned halfway and by evening time, we were all drained out.
On our way back, the weather was really interesting. The whole SF city and the GGB was covered with cloud and I must say it has been the most beautiful view I have ever seen of the GGB covered with clouds. We took this drive up the hill where we could see the bridge from the top and it looked quite spectacular. Just felt like heaven. Seriously. I must say that we are fortunate enough to live in such a beautiful place.
We stopped at an Indian place to have some delicious desi chaats! The server there was really charming:) lol and GT and I were contemplating which part of India she would be from. After our meal, I asked her where she was from and she said that she was half black and half Syrian. Ok, there goes our speculation for a six!
Well, i am so happy tomorrow is a holiday! can sleep as much i want...and o ya...i will update photos on facebook. do have a look ;)
On our way back, the weather was really interesting. The whole SF city and the GGB was covered with cloud and I must say it has been the most beautiful view I have ever seen of the GGB covered with clouds. We took this drive up the hill where we could see the bridge from the top and it looked quite spectacular. Just felt like heaven. Seriously. I must say that we are fortunate enough to live in such a beautiful place.
We stopped at an Indian place to have some delicious desi chaats! The server there was really charming:) lol and GT and I were contemplating which part of India she would be from. After our meal, I asked her where she was from and she said that she was half black and half Syrian. Ok, there goes our speculation for a six!
Well, i am so happy tomorrow is a holiday! can sleep as much i want...and o ya...i will update photos on facebook. do have a look ;)
Monday, August 24, 2009
Why do "words speak more than action"?
There is this friend I have and I really care for her. However, a few days back, she said something that really hurt me. She said that I am not her "closest" friend anymore. I seem to just be like any of her usual friends. And the reason for that? Is because, one day when she had called me up when she was upset and wanted to regain a friendship from me, I said that "Best friendship" cannot happen in a single day. Apparently, this had a huge huge impact on her.
Now the thing is, I might have said that to her and might have said to her due to some of my inner frustrations within me, that's true, but my action towards her till date reflect how much I care for her and how I treasure her friendship with me. I don't want to boast or something, but I have seriously cared for her and done a lot for her. And I did that, because I always thought of her as a best friend.
Par phir, why does all these actions do not seem to mean anything to her. Why does that one statement of mine, which I said, had a bigger impact than all the "actions" I have been doing for her. Why doesn't all this impact her equally?
I thought "Action speaks more than words"? Why does it seem to be the other way round here!
Now the thing is, I might have said that to her and might have said to her due to some of my inner frustrations within me, that's true, but my action towards her till date reflect how much I care for her and how I treasure her friendship with me. I don't want to boast or something, but I have seriously cared for her and done a lot for her. And I did that, because I always thought of her as a best friend.
Par phir, why does all these actions do not seem to mean anything to her. Why does that one statement of mine, which I said, had a bigger impact than all the "actions" I have been doing for her. Why doesn't all this impact her equally?
I thought "Action speaks more than words"? Why does it seem to be the other way round here!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Girls seriously!!!!
Ok...so i know majority of my blog is read by female members. This post may be have a negative connotation to them but i just want to have a "disclaimer" that there are certainly exceptions and what i am going to mention is some sort of generalization (which perhaps i should not make since my sample size is really small) from what i have seen and the girls i have interacted with...
so ya...i think going back to my original context...i think Girls really need to GROW UP and start acting mature!!!! the other day, I was talking to a friend of mine and I was just stunned at the stuff she was talking in context to her past relationship...i was like "how can you do that.. That is JUST WRONG!" and all she could say was "Well I know, but I couldn't help it"... I mean come on! ....if u cant help it then u dont deserve to be in a relationship...think of the other person in the relationship and what he would go thru because of this behavior!!!
Gosh...I am so pissed off with the female members of the human populations! and too bad i would need to love one of them!
We all say Girls are emotionally more mature and all, but from my experience, I think girls cannot even control their minds!!! One day, they are into something, and the very next moment, they go into something else!!! God Dammit! Did you gals hear something called self-control and maturity!!!!
I have seen it with two girls whom i know quite close...the way they have dealt relationships is just WRONG and immature! They have NO RIGHT to play with a GUYS feeling like that!
Jab Guys move away from the relationship, then the whole world thinks that the guy is a cheat! But when Girls do the say, then o well, its some emotional crap which guys need to understand and cooperate...wt hypocrisy!!!!
all i want to say is just imagine yourself in the guys shoes...wt if ur guy treated u like tht...how would you feel? how wd u like it if the guy u loved so much one day dumps u just because he was "out" of it....
so ya...i think going back to my original context...i think Girls really need to GROW UP and start acting mature!!!! the other day, I was talking to a friend of mine and I was just stunned at the stuff she was talking in context to her past relationship...i was like "how can you do that.. That is JUST WRONG!" and all she could say was "Well I know, but I couldn't help it"... I mean come on! ....if u cant help it then u dont deserve to be in a relationship...think of the other person in the relationship and what he would go thru because of this behavior!!!
Gosh...I am so pissed off with the female members of the human populations! and too bad i would need to love one of them!
We all say Girls are emotionally more mature and all, but from my experience, I think girls cannot even control their minds!!! One day, they are into something, and the very next moment, they go into something else!!! God Dammit! Did you gals hear something called self-control and maturity!!!!
I have seen it with two girls whom i know quite close...the way they have dealt relationships is just WRONG and immature! They have NO RIGHT to play with a GUYS feeling like that!
Jab Guys move away from the relationship, then the whole world thinks that the guy is a cheat! But when Girls do the say, then o well, its some emotional crap which guys need to understand and cooperate...wt hypocrisy!!!!
all i want to say is just imagine yourself in the guys shoes...wt if ur guy treated u like tht...how would you feel? how wd u like it if the guy u loved so much one day dumps u just because he was "out" of it....
Friday, August 14, 2009
As it comes to an end, i have no more tears left
im really tired and exhausted now...at the same time i am feeling very strange and sad...
for the past few months i had been planning something....something i had been so much looking forward to...'the past three days'...
and now....after these three days... it is hard for me to grasp tht its over...i mean...something i have been waiting for all this while ....and now its over and finished...
the three days werent bad...it was actually nice... but wt im feeling strange is at the fact that it just flew by and tht its all over..tht something, which i have been waiting for ages, just seemed to blaze by...talk about relativity!!!...im back to S***** and I have to return to my usual workplace tomorrow....
the past few days brought in a lot of emotions in me...but i had no one to express it out... i wanted to cry out loud but i realized i had no more tears left in me...just absolutely no more! i just want to go back to those good old days...plz...its killing me from within...its literally killing me...
for the past few months i had been planning something....something i had been so much looking forward to...'the past three days'...
and now....after these three days... it is hard for me to grasp tht its over...i mean...something i have been waiting for all this while ....and now its over and finished...
the three days werent bad...it was actually nice... but wt im feeling strange is at the fact that it just flew by and tht its all over..tht something, which i have been waiting for ages, just seemed to blaze by...talk about relativity!!!...im back to S***** and I have to return to my usual workplace tomorrow....
the past few days brought in a lot of emotions in me...but i had no one to express it out... i wanted to cry out loud but i realized i had no more tears left in me...just absolutely no more! i just want to go back to those good old days...plz...its killing me from within...its literally killing me...
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Selfishness...
So today I woke up with such a weird feeling.... first of all i woke up kinda late that pissed me off since i thought ill wake up a bit early to get some of my work done and then i see all these weird dreams!
anyhow...i have met some people i so much wish i never ever met.... i cant believe how such people could ever exist...just pure selfish! ... apparently, they dont care about anything else except their own lives... they dont even have the "common courtesy" towards friends! As a friend...i dont even expect much, but when that friend's attitude turns out to be 'like that', it just purely disgust me...
i just feel so sorry for them...
anyhow...i have met some people i so much wish i never ever met.... i cant believe how such people could ever exist...just pure selfish! ... apparently, they dont care about anything else except their own lives... they dont even have the "common courtesy" towards friends! As a friend...i dont even expect much, but when that friend's attitude turns out to be 'like that', it just purely disgust me...
i just feel so sorry for them...
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Past one month!
Hello Everyone everyone everyone..!!
finally....i am writing here after ages....so sorry to my blog readers!
Last one month was super busy!...But ya...no excuse ...
so what happened last one month? many things!.... my parents were here....my aunt and uncle were here...and it was amazing..it was too much fun....their visit just made me feel that is duniya mein koi toh hai who is my own...
khair...so dad was the first one to be here...11th of june... he saw the graduation ceremony this year (he couldnt see it last year) and that was really nice... ma joined two weeks later... it was really nice to have a family reunion...we went to vegas one weekend...mom was awed by the magnificence of the hotel...we (or rather I) played some blackjack...i won some...but lost too...so net even!
the first week of july...my aunt(mom's elder sister) and uncle had come for a week...
everyone stayed in my apartment... we went to pier 39 for 4th of july and it was great to see the crowd...though the fireworks were quite disappointing (blame it on the recession or i dont know what)...
mom left 8th july and dad left the week after.... i was so used to them being at home... that now their absence just makes me feel ajeeb... i so much miss the ghar ka khana... it was just too good to come home for lunch to see the yummy food on the table...
in short...i think their trip was a very memorable one...i could have been a bit less busy..especially during that first week of july...i got so busy with my tapeout that it got a little bit difficult to entertain aunty/uncle as well as complete my tapeout...
anyways...i really enjoyed my time with ma and papa..and now i am realizing that they are becoming more dependent on me and it gives me this sense of responsibility to take care of them...thts life i guess...at one point of time, i used be taken care by them and now slowly as people grow old, the role starts reversing... i just want to tell ma and dad that I LOVE YOU..and i love you loadssssss!!!!!
on a different note....many "other" things are happening too... no girlfriend business though....lol !... but got in touch with some "old" people... dont know if its for the good or bad... we'll see....
career wise...my internship started and i am liking it...its always good when the cash starts flowing eh...lol...jokes apart..but i think my project is a challenging one - elimination of jitter due to power supply noise...o gosh damnit...why did God have to add "noise" to power supply and why is it random!
guess thats it for now...ill try to be more regular with my blogging!
ps: now that i just proofread my blog...i realized the clutterness in my content...aah well...im too lazy to edit now :)
finally....i am writing here after ages....so sorry to my blog readers!
Last one month was super busy!...But ya...no excuse ...
so what happened last one month? many things!.... my parents were here....my aunt and uncle were here...and it was amazing..it was too much fun....their visit just made me feel that is duniya mein koi toh hai who is my own...
khair...so dad was the first one to be here...11th of june... he saw the graduation ceremony this year (he couldnt see it last year) and that was really nice... ma joined two weeks later... it was really nice to have a family reunion...we went to vegas one weekend...mom was awed by the magnificence of the hotel...we (or rather I) played some blackjack...i won some...but lost too...so net even!
the first week of july...my aunt(mom's elder sister) and uncle had come for a week...
everyone stayed in my apartment... we went to pier 39 for 4th of july and it was great to see the crowd...though the fireworks were quite disappointing (blame it on the recession or i dont know what)...
mom left 8th july and dad left the week after.... i was so used to them being at home... that now their absence just makes me feel ajeeb... i so much miss the ghar ka khana... it was just too good to come home for lunch to see the yummy food on the table...
in short...i think their trip was a very memorable one...i could have been a bit less busy..especially during that first week of july...i got so busy with my tapeout that it got a little bit difficult to entertain aunty/uncle as well as complete my tapeout...
anyways...i really enjoyed my time with ma and papa..and now i am realizing that they are becoming more dependent on me and it gives me this sense of responsibility to take care of them...thts life i guess...at one point of time, i used be taken care by them and now slowly as people grow old, the role starts reversing... i just want to tell ma and dad that I LOVE YOU..and i love you loadssssss!!!!!
on a different note....many "other" things are happening too... no girlfriend business though....lol !... but got in touch with some "old" people... dont know if its for the good or bad... we'll see....
career wise...my internship started and i am liking it...its always good when the cash starts flowing eh...lol...jokes apart..but i think my project is a challenging one - elimination of jitter due to power supply noise...o gosh damnit...why did God have to add "noise" to power supply and why is it random!
guess thats it for now...ill try to be more regular with my blogging!
ps: now that i just proofread my blog...i realized the clutterness in my content...aah well...im too lazy to edit now :)
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Will be back!
Hello everyone! A big sorry to all of you for not posting for a long time. Its not that my life has been really mundane...actually its quite the opposite - from the start of summer and my internship to my parents visit...thts why no time to write...
i will be back soon! till then - miss me :P
PS: A big hello to my three frequent blog readers (you know who you are)
i will be back soon! till then - miss me :P
PS: A big hello to my three frequent blog readers (you know who you are)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Miss her!
So I don't know what but for the past few days, I have been missing someone! It's strange but I tried to suppress it even from myself but I am just not able to come in terms with it.
Till few weeks back, I used to be in constant touch with that person every single day and we used to talk about our usual day to day lives. And now for the past few days, we have completely gone out of touch! I am sure she does come online, etc, etc but for some reason, we haven't spoken for a while.
I do feel like calling her sometimes, but then I think it just wouldn't be appropiate. Perhaps, with the situation we both are in, it would just make it slightly weird! She is busy with her own life and I don't want to butt in and spoil it!
Yet, as days pass by, I realize I miss her more and more. I don't know what this means, but I JUST hope it's not that! Coz if it is that, then it would be really really unfortunate!
Till few weeks back, I used to be in constant touch with that person every single day and we used to talk about our usual day to day lives. And now for the past few days, we have completely gone out of touch! I am sure she does come online, etc, etc but for some reason, we haven't spoken for a while.
I do feel like calling her sometimes, but then I think it just wouldn't be appropiate. Perhaps, with the situation we both are in, it would just make it slightly weird! She is busy with her own life and I don't want to butt in and spoil it!
Yet, as days pass by, I realize I miss her more and more. I don't know what this means, but I JUST hope it's not that! Coz if it is that, then it would be really really unfortunate!
Friday, June 5, 2009
Someone once said...
Well...final's week has almost started and I am in no mood to study..pata nahi kyu... for some reason my mind has been wavering off in different directions...and especially toward the "girl/relationship" topic! ahh..there we go again!
Sometimes, I try to analyze myself. What kind of a person I am from a girl's perspective? How females usually perceive me when they meet me? Do they find me charming or attractive? Or am I a bore? Do I get their attention or not? I just wonder. When I was in school, I didn't have much confidence in this topic but as I have grown over the years, I seem to have become more bold and mature towards the opposite sex...
Recently, two girls have made comments about me...well..this is apart from the adorable one (thts a whole different story)...nowadays...a lot of conversations with friends seem to revolve around marriage and relationships...so one weekend, i had gone out for lunch with this girl and we were just discussing about her and her bf and their plans...and after that i sighed looking back at my situation in terms of finding tht perfect girl...and tht girl just said.."A****, come on, you don't need to worry...i mean, you are from S*****, you have a BMW, you are smart! what else would a girl need!...every girl dreams of getting a person like you." My response was "Ya right!"... then there was this another girl who I spoke to over phone...she went like "A****, you have such an impressive profile, from S**** , etc, etc and yet you are so down to earth...you dont have that attitude...if I wd have been in ur position...i tho would have gotten so proud, etc, etc."
I dont know what these comments meant..i mean, well ya, it seems like something good...i am not trying to boast or something..i know i am not perfect...but i just wonder the gravity of the comments since i have got some treatment from certain people that makes me feel like shit... i had started to wonder, why on one hand i am like every girl's dream guy..and on the other hand, i am treated like as if im some kid or wtever....I have started to HATE it when someone tries to treat me like a kid since tht reminds me of a lot of things of the past....
and just very recently, i think i have able to resolve this within me...i have realized certain things and have started to take certain steps...this means that there would be a change in behaviour in me but then i think i need this change...
and to those two girls, i have one simple question.... if I am really that good...if I am really the ideal guy, then WHY CAN'T I BE WITH THE GIRL I REALLY WANT TO BE WITH?
Sometimes, I try to analyze myself. What kind of a person I am from a girl's perspective? How females usually perceive me when they meet me? Do they find me charming or attractive? Or am I a bore? Do I get their attention or not? I just wonder. When I was in school, I didn't have much confidence in this topic but as I have grown over the years, I seem to have become more bold and mature towards the opposite sex...
Recently, two girls have made comments about me...well..this is apart from the adorable one (thts a whole different story)...nowadays...a lot of conversations with friends seem to revolve around marriage and relationships...so one weekend, i had gone out for lunch with this girl and we were just discussing about her and her bf and their plans...and after that i sighed looking back at my situation in terms of finding tht perfect girl...and tht girl just said.."A****, come on, you don't need to worry...i mean, you are from S*****, you have a BMW, you are smart! what else would a girl need!...every girl dreams of getting a person like you." My response was "Ya right!"... then there was this another girl who I spoke to over phone...she went like "A****, you have such an impressive profile, from S**** , etc, etc and yet you are so down to earth...you dont have that attitude...if I wd have been in ur position...i tho would have gotten so proud, etc, etc."
I dont know what these comments meant..i mean, well ya, it seems like something good...i am not trying to boast or something..i know i am not perfect...but i just wonder the gravity of the comments since i have got some treatment from certain people that makes me feel like shit... i had started to wonder, why on one hand i am like every girl's dream guy..and on the other hand, i am treated like as if im some kid or wtever....I have started to HATE it when someone tries to treat me like a kid since tht reminds me of a lot of things of the past....
and just very recently, i think i have able to resolve this within me...i have realized certain things and have started to take certain steps...this means that there would be a change in behaviour in me but then i think i need this change...
and to those two girls, i have one simple question.... if I am really that good...if I am really the ideal guy, then WHY CAN'T I BE WITH THE GIRL I REALLY WANT TO BE WITH?
Monday, June 1, 2009
So much...yet so empty!
sorry for the huge gap in the post...past one week have kept me really busy with my project work...My partner and I are working non-stop and finally we are converging to a solution :)
Apart from my project, quite a few things happened...some in an emotional form and some in my day to day life...Yesterday night, DJ Aqeel performed in town so went there...music was good, but I think DJ Suketu was better...plus crowd was really weird...
Over the past few days...i have realized a lot of things...i have found out many things, some of which surprised and confused me. There were some expectations that were not met and some "non-expectations" that came to me by surprise...
i need to take certain steps and paths which i dont know where it would take me to...yet i need to decide quickly...i think i am going to be diving into something big and i want to give something one LAST try...however, i am uncertain...and uncertain about its outcome...a part of me tells me to let go yet another part of me tells me something else...o well!
on the lighter side...one thing i def. should keep doing is go to the gym :) ... its strange how people (especially girls) look at you and treat you "physically" at the subconscious level...sometimes its quite flattery....well...for eg...once (i am going to be really vague to retain privacy) while dancing in a party...a girl came quite close to me...usually i dont like getting cozy with girls on the dance floor just for the heck of it! i usually dance by myself...but while i was dancing...she did something tht came to me by surprise!...i was certainly flattered but then at the same time uncomfy! O Well! Now, I wonder if that girl would have treated me the same way, had i been like I was before...
someone, once told me, i was like an "overgrown baby"...sometime back, thinking of this would affect me a lot negatively....however, now i think i should thank her for making that statement to me! I wouldn't be what I am today if she never treated me the way she did!
so many things seem to be happening the past few days...yet somewhere down within, I feel lonely...empty...
i wish there was someone i could call...someone i could hold hands with...someone i could go out for a walk (or a drive) and someone i could be certain about things...
Apart from my project, quite a few things happened...some in an emotional form and some in my day to day life...Yesterday night, DJ Aqeel performed in town so went there...music was good, but I think DJ Suketu was better...plus crowd was really weird...
Over the past few days...i have realized a lot of things...i have found out many things, some of which surprised and confused me. There were some expectations that were not met and some "non-expectations" that came to me by surprise...
i need to take certain steps and paths which i dont know where it would take me to...yet i need to decide quickly...i think i am going to be diving into something big and i want to give something one LAST try...however, i am uncertain...and uncertain about its outcome...a part of me tells me to let go yet another part of me tells me something else...o well!
on the lighter side...one thing i def. should keep doing is go to the gym :) ... its strange how people (especially girls) look at you and treat you "physically" at the subconscious level...sometimes its quite flattery....well...for eg...once (i am going to be really vague to retain privacy) while dancing in a party...a girl came quite close to me...usually i dont like getting cozy with girls on the dance floor just for the heck of it! i usually dance by myself...but while i was dancing...she did something tht came to me by surprise!...i was certainly flattered but then at the same time uncomfy! O Well! Now, I wonder if that girl would have treated me the same way, had i been like I was before...
someone, once told me, i was like an "overgrown baby"...sometime back, thinking of this would affect me a lot negatively....however, now i think i should thank her for making that statement to me! I wouldn't be what I am today if she never treated me the way she did!
so many things seem to be happening the past few days...yet somewhere down within, I feel lonely...empty...
i wish there was someone i could call...someone i could hold hands with...someone i could go out for a walk (or a drive) and someone i could be certain about things...
Saturday, May 23, 2009
The BMW Card :)
So tonight, I got a really pleasant surprise. After I reached home late at night, I saw an envelope lying on top of my table. It was addressed, "To, Dearest 'Anshu'man" with a smiley. I opened the envelope and it was a very cute card from my two dearest friends out here for me getting a new car. How so sweet of them! The gesture deeply touched my heart!
The card was really cute. It had this superman symbol. Actually, the previous owner was a fan of superman I suppose, since the car had a lot of superman stickers. And this superman card just added to the charm of my new car.
I have realized how small things such as these affect me. I mean, its such a small gesture but it had such a huge impact. Perhaps, people are so selfish and self-centered in today's world and one seldom finds people such as these two! I am lucky to have friends like them.
To you both, I just want to say that I love you! Thanks for being there always!
The card was really cute. It had this superman symbol. Actually, the previous owner was a fan of superman I suppose, since the car had a lot of superman stickers. And this superman card just added to the charm of my new car.
I have realized how small things such as these affect me. I mean, its such a small gesture but it had such a huge impact. Perhaps, people are so selfish and self-centered in today's world and one seldom finds people such as these two! I am lucky to have friends like them.
To you both, I just want to say that I love you! Thanks for being there always!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Perhaps my ideal girl...
So I got this forward from a friend of mine and I really liked it!
Enjoy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now my responses. (Original sentences followed by my responses in italics)
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.
Well, I would make sure that we cook together. And perhaps surprise her with my decent cooking skills. I would teach her to cook in the most loving way possible and ask her to pay tuition for the cooking lessons with a kiss :)
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
I would like to change this sentence to "One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, AS MUCH AS you do for 20-25 years of her life"
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name.
In return, I would become a part of her family and make sure she gets all the love from her family through me. I would also make sure that she does not really leave behind everything for me.
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
Well, I would make sure she gets up after I wake up. Would make sure my shadow never leaves her. Would cook along with her. Perhaps I could do all the cooking and tell my family she cooked. (unless the food sucked) :)
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
I already said enough of cooking. Would make sure she never gets a chance to complain. And if ever she is frustrated, I would make sure she throws up on me, hit me, punch me, take out all her anger and frustration out on me ...just in return for a tight hug from me to tell her that everything is OK...you are in my arms now :)
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
What if I say, "Lets invite your buddies for dinner tonight?:)"
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
I would drink and dance with her and carry her to bed and most importantly protect her.
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
Would def. make sure that she gets a yummy dinner that night:)
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;
And I would love her infinitely times more for that and make sure that she NEVER sheds a tear!
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
To this, I would make sure that when she gets up every morning, she realizes how much the person lying next to her loves her so much and cannot live a single moment without her. I would give her ALL THE LOVE possible...would just pour it out!, protect her from all the evils and be her BEST FRIEND for life!
Enjoy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.
Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;
One, who has dreams and aspirations just as
you have because she is as human as you are;
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now my responses. (Original sentences followed by my responses in italics)
One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements.
Well, I would make sure that we cook together. And perhaps surprise her with my decent cooking skills. I would teach her to cook in the most loving way possible and ask her to pay tuition for the cooking lessons with a kiss :)
One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;
I would like to change this sentence to "One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, AS MUCH AS you do for 20-25 years of her life"
One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name.
In return, I would become a part of her family and make sure she gets all the love from her family through me. I would also make sure that she does not really leave behind everything for me.
One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen
Well, I would make sure she gets up after I wake up. Would make sure my shadow never leaves her. Would cook along with her. Perhaps I could do all the cooking and tell my family she cooked. (unless the food sucked) :)
One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;
I already said enough of cooking. Would make sure she never gets a chance to complain. And if ever she is frustrated, I would make sure she throws up on me, hit me, punch me, take out all her anger and frustration out on me ...just in return for a tight hug from me to tell her that everything is OK...you are in my arms now :)
One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;
What if I say, "Lets invite your buddies for dinner tonight?:)"
Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise
I would drink and dance with her and carry her to bed and most importantly protect her.
One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;
Would def. make sure that she gets a yummy dinner that night:)
One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important,
relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some
and trust her;
And I would love her infinitely times more for that and make sure that she NEVER sheds a tear!
One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.
To this, I would make sure that when she gets up every morning, she realizes how much the person lying next to her loves her so much and cannot live a single moment without her. I would give her ALL THE LOVE possible...would just pour it out!, protect her from all the evils and be her BEST FRIEND for life!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Past one week...
So it's been almost one week since I got my car and I have already driven close to 1000 km! Yaa, I know! Have been so busy! Thanks to my driving that I could not post something earlier here:)
So last Friday, KB , SS and I went to the temple. We also got some sweets from a close by Indian store. Took some pictures with the car. It was nice. We were all to go to SF later in the evening but then that did not work out with these people. Eventually, I went to SF with GT and AS. Drove around the city, etc..etc...
Saturday, took AS to some car dealership during the day. He is now planning to get a premium car too. (perhaps inspired from me, hehe) As we were going, we realized that my fuel tank was empty. EMPTY? Oh, it was filled last Wed when I got the car and now it's empty?? WTF? Then I realized, I already drove 500 kms. Gosh! :) Then filled up at the nearest gas station. The fuel prices are slowly rising. I hate it. Plus, my car takes only premium fuel! Oh well, kuch paane ke liye, kuch khona parta hai :)
That night (Saturday), I wanted to again go out for a drive. But everyone seemed busy. I was not sure if I wanted to go alone since it would be nice to have a company. It was then when I spoke to someone. She was telling me how bored she was. I told her that I would perhaps go for a drive to SF GGB. She was like, "O wow, I want to go too". It was then, that I offered her to accompany me. She thought for a while(since it was like 10pm already) but then she agreed. I picked her up on the way and we went to SF, the GGB, the crooked street, the hills behind the GGB, sea bank etc. It was nice. She talks a lot thereby entertaining me a lot. lol ! We spent about 3 hours and got back around 330am. We stopped at BK drive thru on the way. It was funny. She said she wasn't hungry and I insisted on going since I was. But eventually, she ended up ordering and eating more than me! :) I dropped her home after that. Reached campus around 4am.
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday was less adventurous! SS, KB, SA and I did go to HMB yesterday. Twas nice. Now I want to plan for a long out of station drive. LA or SD? Let's see.
Oh btw, did I tell you that I got a parking ticket on Friday ($45!!!!)? Yeah! I did not get the parking permit to park in the residential lots in front of our apartments (though I had planned to and I didn't expect that they would check sincerely enough for me to get a ticket in just 2 days after I got my car). O well. Nevermind!
So last Friday, KB , SS and I went to the temple. We also got some sweets from a close by Indian store. Took some pictures with the car. It was nice. We were all to go to SF later in the evening but then that did not work out with these people. Eventually, I went to SF with GT and AS. Drove around the city, etc..etc...
Saturday, took AS to some car dealership during the day. He is now planning to get a premium car too. (perhaps inspired from me, hehe) As we were going, we realized that my fuel tank was empty. EMPTY? Oh, it was filled last Wed when I got the car and now it's empty?? WTF? Then I realized, I already drove 500 kms. Gosh! :) Then filled up at the nearest gas station. The fuel prices are slowly rising. I hate it. Plus, my car takes only premium fuel! Oh well, kuch paane ke liye, kuch khona parta hai :)
That night (Saturday), I wanted to again go out for a drive. But everyone seemed busy. I was not sure if I wanted to go alone since it would be nice to have a company. It was then when I spoke to someone. She was telling me how bored she was. I told her that I would perhaps go for a drive to SF GGB. She was like, "O wow, I want to go too". It was then, that I offered her to accompany me. She thought for a while(since it was like 10pm already) but then she agreed. I picked her up on the way and we went to SF, the GGB, the crooked street, the hills behind the GGB, sea bank etc. It was nice. She talks a lot thereby entertaining me a lot. lol ! We spent about 3 hours and got back around 330am. We stopped at BK drive thru on the way. It was funny. She said she wasn't hungry and I insisted on going since I was. But eventually, she ended up ordering and eating more than me! :) I dropped her home after that. Reached campus around 4am.
Sunday, Monday, Tuesday was less adventurous! SS, KB, SA and I did go to HMB yesterday. Twas nice. Now I want to plan for a long out of station drive. LA or SD? Let's see.
Oh btw, did I tell you that I got a parking ticket on Friday ($45!!!!)? Yeah! I did not get the parking permit to park in the residential lots in front of our apartments (though I had planned to and I didn't expect that they would check sincerely enough for me to get a ticket in just 2 days after I got my car). O well. Nevermind!
Friday, May 15, 2009
My New Love, My New BMW!
So finally, finally, finally, I got a car!!!! Yay! I have been waiting for this day. The last few days have given me so much anxiety regarding my car hunt!
It all started few months back, when I felt that a car was necessary. I was then contemplating which car to buy. Initially, I thought that I'll look for a Honda or a Toyota. Then I realized that with the car freak I am, I don't think I would enjoy them so much. (I just love driving) So that's when I started to consider premium cars. I narrowed down my options to a BMW 3 series, Mercedes Benz C320 and the Infinity G35.
So then, which one to go for finally? I basically had 2 important requirements for the car. One, it should have a good engine and two, it should have a good music system. I thought the BMW 3 series beat the other two in these aspects. So I finally decided to buy the BMW 3 series.
Last week was full of car hunt! From craigslist to dealers, what not to get the best deal. A big Thank You to AS, SS and GT for helping me out in the process. Finally, on Wednesday, May 13, 2009, I purchased my car. And O my, what an excitement:) My first car!
I have already driven about 125 miles(that's about 200km) in the past 2 days. On Wednesday, the first person to be my guest was AS. We went out for dinner. Then at night, I took KB and SS for frozen yogurt. After that, SS and I went out for a short drive to test my music system! We played the music in full blast! It was so much fun. I started to feel the youth in me again. Then past 1am, GT and I again went out for a drive.
Thursday morning, I did all the registration and insurance work for the car. Phir, I took the car for a car wash. It was good. They even shampooed the leather seats! Now I need to install an auxiliary kit in the car for my iphone music.
Today, we plan to take the car to the temple and then drive to SF for dinner. Hehe, all I want to do is drive drive drive. The only thing missing is a cute pretty girl by my side in the car... lol! I hope I don't get over-excited in the process. I know this is just the initial nasha of mine which would go away soon. But then, that's ok. Let me at least enjoy these initial excitements!
It's Friday morning and the first thing I did after waking up is write this entry. I haven't even brushed my teeth yet! So I think I should carry on with my chores now :) I hope and pray that everyone riding in this car be safe. And may God give some gyaan to the driver to drive sanely. :)
PS: Incidentally, I inspired someone else to buy a BMW too :)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Anxious moments...
So past few days have been filled with anxiety on one particular aspect which I don't want to mention abhi... I think I am crazy! I am myself the cause of so much anxiety in me. Tommorow (or rather today) is D day.
I just hope everything goes fine. I am excited, nervous, anxious, what not! In just 24 hours, everything will be more clear, the anxiety will be clear (hopefully). O gosh, I just want to get over with it! Seriously! And time just seems to crawl! O Einstein, why does relativity exist!!! I think I should sleep. That way, I can reach closer to my destination in time space. (ok i have lost it now completely)
Watch out for my next post as to what it is really. I am apprehensive about sharing it abhi.
I just hope everything goes fine. I am excited, nervous, anxious, what not! In just 24 hours, everything will be more clear, the anxiety will be clear (hopefully). O gosh, I just want to get over with it! Seriously! And time just seems to crawl! O Einstein, why does relativity exist!!! I think I should sleep. That way, I can reach closer to my destination in time space. (ok i have lost it now completely)
Watch out for my next post as to what it is really. I am apprehensive about sharing it abhi.
Monday, May 11, 2009
A night with DJ Suketu
Day before yesterday, DJ Suketu was in town and was performing in a club. So we all decided to go for it! It's been ages since I danced and I really wanted to come out of my boring life at Stanford. So I thought, why not check this out!? :) I heard many of his remixes and I liked most of them.
Reached the place around 11:30pm. There were about 7-8 of us. The music was good! Though I think I expected more. And ya, I just realized how C******* is not short of good looking girls :). There were some of the sexiest girls out there. (I'm being a typical guy now,lol)
And for a change, the girl to guy ratio in our group was skewed in our favour! There were 2 of us who were male versus 6 of our female friends! lol!!! Finally, some justice to us, seriously! :)
Overall, it was fun. Got back home around 2:45am. I think its high time I start exploring my social life outside Stanford campus. DJ Aqeel would be coming to the area in 3 weeks! So lets see. :)
Reached the place around 11:30pm. There were about 7-8 of us. The music was good! Though I think I expected more. And ya, I just realized how C******* is not short of good looking girls :). There were some of the sexiest girls out there. (I'm being a typical guy now,lol)
And for a change, the girl to guy ratio in our group was skewed in our favour! There were 2 of us who were male versus 6 of our female friends! lol!!! Finally, some justice to us, seriously! :)
Overall, it was fun. Got back home around 2:45am. I think its high time I start exploring my social life outside Stanford campus. DJ Aqeel would be coming to the area in 3 weeks! So lets see. :)
Friday, May 8, 2009
My Guitar...
So...its 4:30am in the morning and for the past 6 hours, I have been constantly doing one thing I enjoy most - playing my guitar!
Ya. Well, it started at around 10:30pm at night, when I thought I'll just strum it and since then, it's just been amazing. I got my electric guitar from M**, so started off with some 'Rock On' music. Phir I picked up 'Sweet Child O Mine' from Guns and Roses. My roommate came around that time and we started singing. It was nice and then he went off to sleep and my passion for music continued!
I also picked up the song, "Sweet Home Alabama". O well, I think I need to sleep now :)
PS: Hope you all like some of my new recordings...its about one and a half minute long...its not perfect yet but i am getting there :)
Ya. Well, it started at around 10:30pm at night, when I thought I'll just strum it and since then, it's just been amazing. I got my electric guitar from M**, so started off with some 'Rock On' music. Phir I picked up 'Sweet Child O Mine' from Guns and Roses. My roommate came around that time and we started singing. It was nice and then he went off to sleep and my passion for music continued!
I also picked up the song, "Sweet Home Alabama". O well, I think I need to sleep now :)
PS: Hope you all like some of my new recordings...its about one and a half minute long...its not perfect yet but i am getting there :)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Burn the fat, not the fuel
Hmm, I have realized that I spend a major portion of my life in something to which there is no mention in my blog. So I thought I'll dedicate that thing to this entry! So what is that thing? You got it right - it's my gym!
Over the past few months, there has been some serious business going on here in the other half of my life (yes, my love life is not the ONLY thing in my life). I have been into serious gyming. When I realized that I was turning 25 soon, I thought ki, perhaps, life may not give me another chance.
Till, a year or two back, I was never into gyming, body building etc. But now, I have got this motivation to have the sexiest body in this planet! I don't know why! lol! And ya, summer is coming up. So what's more fun than showing off some of your curves, especially, when you have them! :)
So what's my gyming schedule. Well, I go everyday in the evening. I start of with cardio for about 30-60 minutes and then after that I go do weights. For weights, I work different muscle groups on alternate days. One day, I work on chest, biceps and abs and the second day, I work on shoulder, back, triceps and abs. Weight training takes another 30-45 mins. So in total, I end up spending about 2 hours in the gym. After the 2 hours, I don't feel exhausted but infact, refreshed! Yes, you read it right. Most times, I am dull and lazy before my workout and refreshed thereafter. And the most interesting thing is that, somehow, I am able to connect to my spiritual self during my workout!
Anyways, "All gym and no proper diet makes A**** a dull boy." Your fooding habit is as important if not more. So I make sure I eat something before I go to the gym so as to get energized. And after my workout, I eat a good protein rich dinner. Did you know that the actual process of muscle building is after the workout and not during? Infact, muscle tears apart when you work out and it's only after the work out that it regrows to form a stronger muscle. So protein is a MUST after workout.
And ya, I try to make sure my metabolism is at its peak. So I follow "Breakfast like a prince, Lunch like a king and Dinner like a beggar" strategy. These days, I am trying to follow a salad rich diet with the exceptions of weekends. Itna toh sacrifice karna padega if I am trying for 6 pack...lol !
Life mein I may not get another chance. So I just want to utilize my age and resources and make the most out of it! I am getting there!
Over the past few months, there has been some serious business going on here in the other half of my life (yes, my love life is not the ONLY thing in my life). I have been into serious gyming. When I realized that I was turning 25 soon, I thought ki, perhaps, life may not give me another chance.
Till, a year or two back, I was never into gyming, body building etc. But now, I have got this motivation to have the sexiest body in this planet! I don't know why! lol! And ya, summer is coming up. So what's more fun than showing off some of your curves, especially, when you have them! :)
So what's my gyming schedule. Well, I go everyday in the evening. I start of with cardio for about 30-60 minutes and then after that I go do weights. For weights, I work different muscle groups on alternate days. One day, I work on chest, biceps and abs and the second day, I work on shoulder, back, triceps and abs. Weight training takes another 30-45 mins. So in total, I end up spending about 2 hours in the gym. After the 2 hours, I don't feel exhausted but infact, refreshed! Yes, you read it right. Most times, I am dull and lazy before my workout and refreshed thereafter. And the most interesting thing is that, somehow, I am able to connect to my spiritual self during my workout!
Anyways, "All gym and no proper diet makes A**** a dull boy." Your fooding habit is as important if not more. So I make sure I eat something before I go to the gym so as to get energized. And after my workout, I eat a good protein rich dinner. Did you know that the actual process of muscle building is after the workout and not during? Infact, muscle tears apart when you work out and it's only after the work out that it regrows to form a stronger muscle. So protein is a MUST after workout.
And ya, I try to make sure my metabolism is at its peak. So I follow "Breakfast like a prince, Lunch like a king and Dinner like a beggar" strategy. These days, I am trying to follow a salad rich diet with the exceptions of weekends. Itna toh sacrifice karna padega if I am trying for 6 pack...lol !
Life mein I may not get another chance. So I just want to utilize my age and resources and make the most out of it! I am getting there!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
समय
So today, I had a long long conversation with ma; about things in general. It was nice coz I was able to see her on the webcam after a long time.
Our conversation revolved mainly around my "personal" life. And the conversation did not make me feel any better. My mom made one comment which is striking me really hard - "Don't let time be the deciding factor".
Gosh, now I am so much at a fix! Seriously, what she said was right. I mean, how can one let 'time' affect the remaining years of my lives. And over here, we are talking about time as in plus minus 1-2 years which could have a huge impact for the rest of my 50 years. It's just so strange!
Till few weeks back, I thought I would not get married in the next 4 years (not because I don't want to, but because I thought I would not be able to find the right person before that), and all of a sudden, thinking of marriage in the next 1 year gives me goosebumps. But then, like they say, 'Time waits for no-one.' I wish I was not here but somewhere else. I just need that one thing to make things certain before it is too late, that's it.
Its 4am in the morning and I think I seriously need to go to sleep. Enough of thinking! I suppose I should just leave it to Him.
Our conversation revolved mainly around my "personal" life. And the conversation did not make me feel any better. My mom made one comment which is striking me really hard - "Don't let time be the deciding factor".
Gosh, now I am so much at a fix! Seriously, what she said was right. I mean, how can one let 'time' affect the remaining years of my lives. And over here, we are talking about time as in plus minus 1-2 years which could have a huge impact for the rest of my 50 years. It's just so strange!
Till few weeks back, I thought I would not get married in the next 4 years (not because I don't want to, but because I thought I would not be able to find the right person before that), and all of a sudden, thinking of marriage in the next 1 year gives me goosebumps. But then, like they say, 'Time waits for no-one.' I wish I was not here but somewhere else. I just need that one thing to make things certain before it is too late, that's it.
Its 4am in the morning and I think I seriously need to go to sleep. Enough of thinking! I suppose I should just leave it to Him.
Monday, May 4, 2009
To let go...
So today, I spoke to her. We had a discussion about "us". And as much as it makes me sad about the outcome of the discussion, the fact is that perhaps, there is no "us". And it's sad that it's for practical reasons. I wish I could just go ahead and tell her what she means to me but then I can't. There is a part of me that wants me to just go ahead and make her a part of my life, but then the other half of me says something else. It's so frustrating and it just wouldn't be fair for her.
Life bhi ajeeb hai. When we just realized that there is no future, kuch kuch hone lagta hai mere dil mein. I'm feeling suffocated from within. Something in me makes me feel really sad. So much has happened in the past few weeks, so much and now that it seems to be all over, I just can't seem to let go of her from my mind. Perhaps, time is the only solution to all this.
She tells me she is not expressive enough for me. Just now, I saw something that makes me completely think otherwise. There were also certain other things that do make me feel she is just as expressive as I want her to be. For eg, that night when we spoke over phone. Anyways. I don't even know why I am trying to justify all this abhi.
She tells me she would like to settle down soon and I don't know why I am not able to oblige that.
O gosh, time time time. Only if we were a year or two younger. It's a life decision and it sux to not be able to be with someone because of time.
Khair, I just seem to circle around this topic all the time! Guess, this whole thing about relationships and love has impacted me sooo soooo much!
But then, no one knows what lies ahead. And I just hope whatever happens, happens for the best. And ya, she would still be referred to as the "adorable one" in my blog. She is just so sweet. :)
It's weird how there are some relationships which are not defined. I don't know what she and I just shared the past few weeks. We can't say we were friends. Nor can we say we were a couple.
And to you, the adorable one, just be the way you are. Never change! God Bless You Always! We still have our "27 year old" pact, right? :)
"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."
Life bhi ajeeb hai. When we just realized that there is no future, kuch kuch hone lagta hai mere dil mein. I'm feeling suffocated from within. Something in me makes me feel really sad. So much has happened in the past few weeks, so much and now that it seems to be all over, I just can't seem to let go of her from my mind. Perhaps, time is the only solution to all this.
She tells me she is not expressive enough for me. Just now, I saw something that makes me completely think otherwise. There were also certain other things that do make me feel she is just as expressive as I want her to be. For eg, that night when we spoke over phone. Anyways. I don't even know why I am trying to justify all this abhi.
She tells me she would like to settle down soon and I don't know why I am not able to oblige that.
O gosh, time time time. Only if we were a year or two younger. It's a life decision and it sux to not be able to be with someone because of time.
Khair, I just seem to circle around this topic all the time! Guess, this whole thing about relationships and love has impacted me sooo soooo much!
But then, no one knows what lies ahead. And I just hope whatever happens, happens for the best. And ya, she would still be referred to as the "adorable one" in my blog. She is just so sweet. :)
It's weird how there are some relationships which are not defined. I don't know what she and I just shared the past few weeks. We can't say we were friends. Nor can we say we were a couple.
And to you, the adorable one, just be the way you are. Never change! God Bless You Always! We still have our "27 year old" pact, right? :)
"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."
Sunday, May 3, 2009
:(
The past 2 days have not been so good for me... i have been really sad and pissed off with a lot of things, not with anyone in particular but i guess just generally with the situation....
Well, one thing tht does make me really sad is that a "possibility" has been ruled out... and for mostly "practical" reasons. Well, "practical", i really dont know wt to say. I feel its all in the person's mind. You want something to happen, you can make it happen. One can't just do nothing about it and hope everything would work out.
Few days back, I spoke to the adorable one, and she wanted to discuss about the possibility, being practical or not, and she felt it was not working.
She has reduced her communications with me, and I have been feeling really lonely ever since. Perhaps I have already gotten so attached to her...or i dont know wt....
sometimes i feel so weird...all we talk about is practicality..etc....well..what about FEELINGS and EMOTIONS then? where did they just disappear? i mean how can u change a feeling towards someone just so instantly...its so strange! sometimes i wonder if she ever liked me?
it just pisses me off when things dont work out coz of practical issues...coz i feel things can be made practical if we wanted too...and talking about what we want...we still dont know...and the biggest problem is we dont have time!
its strange...her behavior towards me seems so unpredictable... sometimes shes extra nice...sometimes shes so blunt... and that is definitely not helping me to be certain about things...i really wish she shared her feelings about all this with me..i mean, just saying that "this does not seem to be working" is not the solution...we both need to talk...TALK in detail about this...This is a very important decision in life...
i can understand her point of view... she wants to settle down soon, and i m not able to commit without being certain...ab mein kya karu? :( shes such a nice person ... i dont want to regret later...
at the end of the day... certain steps are taken for "practical" issues...n its sad if they overrule feelings...
Well, one thing tht does make me really sad is that a "possibility" has been ruled out... and for mostly "practical" reasons. Well, "practical", i really dont know wt to say. I feel its all in the person's mind. You want something to happen, you can make it happen. One can't just do nothing about it and hope everything would work out.
Few days back, I spoke to the adorable one, and she wanted to discuss about the possibility, being practical or not, and she felt it was not working.
She has reduced her communications with me, and I have been feeling really lonely ever since. Perhaps I have already gotten so attached to her...or i dont know wt....
sometimes i feel so weird...all we talk about is practicality..etc....well..what about FEELINGS and EMOTIONS then? where did they just disappear? i mean how can u change a feeling towards someone just so instantly...its so strange! sometimes i wonder if she ever liked me?
it just pisses me off when things dont work out coz of practical issues...coz i feel things can be made practical if we wanted too...and talking about what we want...we still dont know...and the biggest problem is we dont have time!
its strange...her behavior towards me seems so unpredictable... sometimes shes extra nice...sometimes shes so blunt... and that is definitely not helping me to be certain about things...i really wish she shared her feelings about all this with me..i mean, just saying that "this does not seem to be working" is not the solution...we both need to talk...TALK in detail about this...This is a very important decision in life...
i can understand her point of view... she wants to settle down soon, and i m not able to commit without being certain...ab mein kya karu? :( shes such a nice person ... i dont want to regret later...
at the end of the day... certain steps are taken for "practical" issues...n its sad if they overrule feelings...
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
please...
ok...so i dont know if the problem is with me...or i am overthinking...but everytime, someone close to me is not doing so fine...i would like to go out of my way to make him/her smile...
however, why do i feel that everytime something is wrong, then he/she makes me feel like a complete stranger...why???? aren't friends suppose to share stuff and help each other...50% of the time, the issue gets worst because its not discussed leading to a misunderstanding...
why is that i am only needed at his/her happy times and not during his/her sad days...
i am trying really really really hard to be as soft and understanding to someone... yet...he/she just makes me feel like a complete stranger...
i dont know what to do...or am i just overeacting?
however, why do i feel that everytime something is wrong, then he/she makes me feel like a complete stranger...why???? aren't friends suppose to share stuff and help each other...50% of the time, the issue gets worst because its not discussed leading to a misunderstanding...
why is that i am only needed at his/her happy times and not during his/her sad days...
i am trying really really really hard to be as soft and understanding to someone... yet...he/she just makes me feel like a complete stranger...
i dont know what to do...or am i just overeacting?
Monday, April 27, 2009
Bihu Celebrations
So two days back, the assamese people around the area celebrated Bihu. It was my first time attending such a function here in the area. God knows why I did not go earlier in the past 3 years!
Anyways, the gathering started from 5pm to 10pm in a convention center 20 miles from where I lived. I got ready around 530pm and left home. Reached the place at around 6pm. Initially, I was feeling really really uncomfortable. I mean, I didn't know anyone at all. And everyone was talking amongst themselves. Slowly, I started to introduce myself and start talking. It was nice since everyone was quite friendly. In a few minutes, thereafter, I get a phone call. I picked up and the person on the other end of the line said, "A****, moi O******, tumi kot aasa?". I told her I was near the entrance.
Immediately after we hung up, we saw each other. She came to me and started talking. Finally, thank God I had some company. :) She was nice. She then introduced me to her sister and brother in-law. I also met R***** and her husband. It was nice. Suddenly I had come to realize that many of the married couples were of my age group. That was strange!
O***** spent majority of her time with me during the programme. Well, perhaps, because we were the only people of our age group. It did feel strange because, it felt like people around were thinking of us as a prospective couple!
Btw, talking about prospectives! O Gosh!!!! I don't know what was wrong with everyone. Everyone, I talked to, seemed to have looked at me in "that sense". That sense as in "an eligible bachelor". That did make me feel conscious being with O***** because I didn't know how other people looked at us. Though I must admit I was really flattered with all the attention I was getting. :)
The cultural programme was ok. The 'husorie' was great though. Food, well, that was a major disappointment. I was hoping for some really good Indian food. But the food was really bland. They didnt even have chicken (had mutton). What the hell!!!!
On the whole, I did enjoy the celebrations. It was def. nice to meet people of my own community.
Anyways, the gathering started from 5pm to 10pm in a convention center 20 miles from where I lived. I got ready around 530pm and left home. Reached the place at around 6pm. Initially, I was feeling really really uncomfortable. I mean, I didn't know anyone at all. And everyone was talking amongst themselves. Slowly, I started to introduce myself and start talking. It was nice since everyone was quite friendly. In a few minutes, thereafter, I get a phone call. I picked up and the person on the other end of the line said, "A****, moi O******, tumi kot aasa?". I told her I was near the entrance.
Immediately after we hung up, we saw each other. She came to me and started talking. Finally, thank God I had some company. :) She was nice. She then introduced me to her sister and brother in-law. I also met R***** and her husband. It was nice. Suddenly I had come to realize that many of the married couples were of my age group. That was strange!
O***** spent majority of her time with me during the programme. Well, perhaps, because we were the only people of our age group. It did feel strange because, it felt like people around were thinking of us as a prospective couple!
Btw, talking about prospectives! O Gosh!!!! I don't know what was wrong with everyone. Everyone, I talked to, seemed to have looked at me in "that sense". That sense as in "an eligible bachelor". That did make me feel conscious being with O***** because I didn't know how other people looked at us. Though I must admit I was really flattered with all the attention I was getting. :)
The cultural programme was ok. The 'husorie' was great though. Food, well, that was a major disappointment. I was hoping for some really good Indian food. But the food was really bland. They didnt even have chicken (had mutton). What the hell!!!!
On the whole, I did enjoy the celebrations. It was def. nice to meet people of my own community.
Friday, April 24, 2009
May God be with you both!
a friend of mine has just left for an endeavor...an endeavor which perhaps has answers he has been looking for..i dont know what the outcome would be...i dont know why all this happened when it shouldnt have... and now that it has happened, it seems like no one can do anything...
all i want to say is Good Luck to Him! My wishes are always there for him and I hope he succeeds...and to her...May God be with her...whatever happens happens for the best!
to end, I would like to share two quotes with you all,
“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” - Which kind are you?
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
all i want to say is Good Luck to Him! My wishes are always there for him and I hope he succeeds...and to her...May God be with her...whatever happens happens for the best!
to end, I would like to share two quotes with you all,
“When it comes to the future, there are three kinds of people: those who let it happen, those who make it happen, and those who wonder what happened.” - Which kind are you?
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
As the clock strikes 12!
25 years ago, a dear friend of mine was welcomed by this world...well...this friend of mine is really sweet and she's beautiful, and beautiful even more as a person... i am so glad to have got in touch with her since our school days ...
Happy Birthday! Wish her many happiness in the following years. I hope she gets what she desires... the coming years would be very crucial for her and I wish her all the best!
जन्मदिन मुबारक हो |
Love n Hugs !
PS: Do remember that the birthday is as special to the mother as it is to the child...so spend ample time with ma on your birthday:)
Happy Birthday! Wish her many happiness in the following years. I hope she gets what she desires... the coming years would be very crucial for her and I wish her all the best!
जन्मदिन मुबारक हो |
Love n Hugs !
PS: Do remember that the birthday is as special to the mother as it is to the child...so spend ample time with ma on your birthday:)
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Aadat...
don't know how but i just came across this video and that led me to think about my past two years...so much has happened...so much...that now i just feel numb...aadat si pad gayi thi with the way things were...
enjoy the video...
Friday, April 17, 2009
A 'Best' Friend
well, off late i have been thinking a lot about the ideal girl i would like to be with... certainly it is a long list :) but one thing i realized is that i would want to be with the person who is my best friend! As much as it is obvious, i still want to emphasize this fact. I have seen many relationships where the basic friendship did not even exist!... I would want to be with someone, who I can share everything with and vice-versa too...
I want the relationship with that special person to be such that we are literally 'one' and live each other's lives.... i want our problems to be discussed with ourselves...i want her to be completely herself and free with me...i want her to want me during her good and bad times...and i want her to be possesive about me... i truely want a best friend...
i dont know why i am writing this...perhaps to send a message across to someone...
I want the relationship with that special person to be such that we are literally 'one' and live each other's lives.... i want our problems to be discussed with ourselves...i want her to be completely herself and free with me...i want her to want me during her good and bad times...and i want her to be possesive about me... i truely want a best friend...
i dont know why i am writing this...perhaps to send a message across to someone...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
It's just those small things...
well...i realized, it really does not take much for someone to touch my heart or piss me off really bad!... its just those small things tht affect me positively or negatively...one does not even need to do something real big!
for example, a friend of mine was upset and she mentioned tht she really wished i was around...ok...so to someone this might just be a mere statement... but to me.... it was something special and something that touched my heart... i guess the crux was in the fact that i was wanted by someone!...
Perhaps, so much has happened in my life previously that I just feel like crap..unwanted..etc.etc in the recent times...and then when someone else shows my importance in their lives...i ought to feel special...
on a different note...whats wrong with California weather!!!???? I wake up in the morning...and i see its a nice bright sunny day....i was all set to go to the gym with my shorts and tshirt.... Only God knew that a wind chill of freezing temperature was awaiting me at my door step!...as i stepped out...i was freezing!!!! God only knows how i reached the Gym from my home on my bike with the chilling wind(at perhaps close to 80-100 Kmph) against me...
for example, a friend of mine was upset and she mentioned tht she really wished i was around...ok...so to someone this might just be a mere statement... but to me.... it was something special and something that touched my heart... i guess the crux was in the fact that i was wanted by someone!...
Perhaps, so much has happened in my life previously that I just feel like crap..unwanted..etc.etc in the recent times...and then when someone else shows my importance in their lives...i ought to feel special...
on a different note...whats wrong with California weather!!!???? I wake up in the morning...and i see its a nice bright sunny day....i was all set to go to the gym with my shorts and tshirt.... Only God knew that a wind chill of freezing temperature was awaiting me at my door step!...as i stepped out...i was freezing!!!! God only knows how i reached the Gym from my home on my bike with the chilling wind(at perhaps close to 80-100 Kmph) against me...
Why???
A day or two back, a friend of mine told me about this incident where her best friend's boyfriend passed away...hearing that kept me disturbed for a while...
i dont know why God decides to bring so much sorrow to some of the nice people of this world...and why did it have to happen to her...it is reminding me of another sad case... a friend of mine who lost his entire family in a car accident... i mean that guy was such a nice person..he was so nice, humble...an absolute gentleman...and yet, the worst happened to him!....WHY???
sometimes i just feel that the bad things are only happening to the nicest people of this world and the evil ones just go free... it just makes u lose faith in everything...
my only question to God is why did it have to happen to my friend or my friend's bestfriend?
i dont know why God decides to bring so much sorrow to some of the nice people of this world...and why did it have to happen to her...it is reminding me of another sad case... a friend of mine who lost his entire family in a car accident... i mean that guy was such a nice person..he was so nice, humble...an absolute gentleman...and yet, the worst happened to him!....WHY???
sometimes i just feel that the bad things are only happening to the nicest people of this world and the evil ones just go free... it just makes u lose faith in everything...
my only question to God is why did it have to happen to my friend or my friend's bestfriend?
Friday, April 10, 2009
A Story
So I am going to tell you a true story. A story from which many lessons could be learnt....
So I have this uncle in M****. He had a beautiful family with two kids. Everything was perfect till one day, he realized that his wife had cancer. This happened quite recently and they were in their early stage of their married life. God only knows why this had to happen to them. He is such a nice person. The girl and boy are so cute.
Anyways, the cancer was not treatable. Two years ago, auntie passed away leaving behind uncle and the two children.
We often crib about things we have lost, be it in our personal lives, or be it in our daily lives. Seeing what uncle has gone through has helped me gain courage, to accept the things we cannot change. I so often crib about my past. As if my life would not function without them. However, knowing about him makes me feel that my sorrows were NOTHING compared to his.
Anyways, that was not end of story. Few months later, he met this another girl. Infact, the strange part was, that the girl was a widow and infact he and his wife were family friends with her and her husband. Now, he lost his wife and she lost her husband. They perhaps became closer due to the common sorrows they had. uncle finally proposed her for marriage, to which, she did agree. They got married last year and are happy with each other since then.
I met them this time I went home. She is very nice and takes real good care of the children. And uncle takes real good care of her.
At first instant, people may find it strange about the whole situation. However, looking deeper, I really admire uncle and his new wife. They are both really young(in their early to mid thirties). Some really really unfortunate events happened in each of their lives. But they did not let that hamper the rest of their lives. They moved on to live strongly and more happily leaving behind the past.
Sometimes, I get stuck up with my past. But seeing uncle gives me a hope and strength to move ahead. My situation is NO WAY close to what uncle underwent. Its one thing when you loose a girlfriend(i dont like tht term somehow) and its another thing when you loose a person whose children you father.
In the past few days a lot of things happened.So much has happened with me. Perhaps a rediscovery of myself, a hope for the future, a future perhaps worth living for...
So I have this uncle in M****. He had a beautiful family with two kids. Everything was perfect till one day, he realized that his wife had cancer. This happened quite recently and they were in their early stage of their married life. God only knows why this had to happen to them. He is such a nice person. The girl and boy are so cute.
Anyways, the cancer was not treatable. Two years ago, auntie passed away leaving behind uncle and the two children.
We often crib about things we have lost, be it in our personal lives, or be it in our daily lives. Seeing what uncle has gone through has helped me gain courage, to accept the things we cannot change. I so often crib about my past. As if my life would not function without them. However, knowing about him makes me feel that my sorrows were NOTHING compared to his.
Anyways, that was not end of story. Few months later, he met this another girl. Infact, the strange part was, that the girl was a widow and infact he and his wife were family friends with her and her husband. Now, he lost his wife and she lost her husband. They perhaps became closer due to the common sorrows they had. uncle finally proposed her for marriage, to which, she did agree. They got married last year and are happy with each other since then.
I met them this time I went home. She is very nice and takes real good care of the children. And uncle takes real good care of her.
At first instant, people may find it strange about the whole situation. However, looking deeper, I really admire uncle and his new wife. They are both really young(in their early to mid thirties). Some really really unfortunate events happened in each of their lives. But they did not let that hamper the rest of their lives. They moved on to live strongly and more happily leaving behind the past.
Sometimes, I get stuck up with my past. But seeing uncle gives me a hope and strength to move ahead. My situation is NO WAY close to what uncle underwent. Its one thing when you loose a girlfriend(i dont like tht term somehow) and its another thing when you loose a person whose children you father.
In the past few days a lot of things happened.So much has happened with me. Perhaps a rediscovery of myself, a hope for the future, a future perhaps worth living for...
Thursday, April 9, 2009
is it wrong for me to seek out for a friend?
is it wrong???? why is it that when i really really genuinely try to extend my hand for friendship...i always end up getting hurt!...is it wrong to want to be close to someone? is it wrong for me to want to share my sorrows and happiness with someone? is it my fault that i had a past?!.
and my past...F@#$% THAT! it has done enough of havoc in my life! im just so completely mad today!!!! i dont know at what..at whom...
i think its best to keep no expectations from anyone!!!! all i have wanted right now is a friend! thts it!!!! and everytime i think i have found one...my past comes in between!!!!! seriously....
i hate this world!!!
and my past...F@#$% THAT! it has done enough of havoc in my life! im just so completely mad today!!!! i dont know at what..at whom...
i think its best to keep no expectations from anyone!!!! all i have wanted right now is a friend! thts it!!!! and everytime i think i have found one...my past comes in between!!!!! seriously....
i hate this world!!!
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
A Morale Boost!
So have you ever felt how it is when you are at your lowest in regards to your morale and then suddenly, this person just makes you realize the potential you have...well..aise kuch similar hi hua aaj....
you all know my state of affairs on the personal front... its been quite depressing and sometimes i felt the problem was in me! Today...the adorable one spoke about me...and in a fashion perhaps no one ever spoke or thought about in recent times..it was such a boost.....its a great feeling u know...sometimes i feel thoda zyada hi bol diya usne!....par khair...im enjoying the moment :) ..... the only fear is tht with such high expectations, i hope i dont disappoint anyone....
you all know my state of affairs on the personal front... its been quite depressing and sometimes i felt the problem was in me! Today...the adorable one spoke about me...and in a fashion perhaps no one ever spoke or thought about in recent times..it was such a boost.....its a great feeling u know...sometimes i feel thoda zyada hi bol diya usne!....par khair...im enjoying the moment :) ..... the only fear is tht with such high expectations, i hope i dont disappoint anyone....
Sunday, April 5, 2009
The Morning Walk
Today, I had gotten up early...at 6:30am! So many things were in my mind. I was thinking of sleeping more but then tossing and turning does not help!
So I decided to go for a morning walk! So got up from bed, took my jacket and went out! And let me tell you, it made me feel so so much better. There is something unique about mornings!... The birds humming to their tunes, the quietness around you, it was just so pristine. And to add to the beauty, the mornings are so similar to how it is in India!!!! Normally, the afternoons and evenings are very much less noisy than how it is in India and so I feel the difference but mornings seem just so alike. The only thing missing was garam garam Chai! Walked to Starbucks and grabbed a coffee. So many things came to my mind while walking...a recap of my life...a recap of my present and a hope for my future....
Chatted with the adorable one after that. I hope shes ok. Its been really stressful for her. But I hope and pray that everything would work out best for her. :)
So I decided to go for a morning walk! So got up from bed, took my jacket and went out! And let me tell you, it made me feel so so much better. There is something unique about mornings!... The birds humming to their tunes, the quietness around you, it was just so pristine. And to add to the beauty, the mornings are so similar to how it is in India!!!! Normally, the afternoons and evenings are very much less noisy than how it is in India and so I feel the difference but mornings seem just so alike. The only thing missing was garam garam Chai! Walked to Starbucks and grabbed a coffee. So many things came to my mind while walking...a recap of my life...a recap of my present and a hope for my future....
Chatted with the adorable one after that. I hope shes ok. Its been really stressful for her. But I hope and pray that everything would work out best for her. :)
Saturday, April 4, 2009
God help me!
Ok...so today has been a crazy crazy day!!!!
i have never thought whtever happened would happen...
u all know about my past relationship and how i have been struggling to get out of it! today, i have come to a realization that another beautiful relationship could evolve between someone and me....
so..then wts the problem? the problem is in me!....the problem is that i cant f!@#$%^ get over my past and move on!!!!...o gosh..its so damn frustrating...
remember i said i wanted to be in love again..i wanted to pour out my love to someone....God seems to have given me the perfect chance and it seems like im going to screw it really badly!...
I dont know wt to do...sometimes, i feel like just forgeting my past and expressing my love to her..shes so nice...shes so adorable..and shes my childhood crush... but im apprehensive...i dont know about what...perhaps the distance, perhaps the surety of the other person.... i dont want to be hurt again and dont want to hurt someone else too....
i know that my uncertainty could def. make me lose her someday... im such an idiot!...jab kisi ko advice deni hain toh i am like fultu advising par when it comes to me, i dont follow any of them!!!!
i have never thought whtever happened would happen...
u all know about my past relationship and how i have been struggling to get out of it! today, i have come to a realization that another beautiful relationship could evolve between someone and me....
so..then wts the problem? the problem is in me!....the problem is that i cant f!@#$%^ get over my past and move on!!!!...o gosh..its so damn frustrating...
remember i said i wanted to be in love again..i wanted to pour out my love to someone....God seems to have given me the perfect chance and it seems like im going to screw it really badly!...
I dont know wt to do...sometimes, i feel like just forgeting my past and expressing my love to her..shes so nice...shes so adorable..and shes my childhood crush... but im apprehensive...i dont know about what...perhaps the distance, perhaps the surety of the other person.... i dont want to be hurt again and dont want to hurt someone else too....
i know that my uncertainty could def. make me lose her someday... im such an idiot!...jab kisi ko advice deni hain toh i am like fultu advising par when it comes to me, i dont follow any of them!!!!
Friday, April 3, 2009
April 3rd, 2009
Yea, I know, today is April 3rd. Dont know what to feel....its her birthday today!...
for the past few years...this date used to be very special to me....and now, i dont know what to say....i did not wish her this time... every birthday, she would be eagerly waiting for my birthday surprise.... i wonder how is it this time? i wonder if shes even thinking of me...
for the past few years...this date used to be very special to me....and now, i dont know what to say....i did not wish her this time... every birthday, she would be eagerly waiting for my birthday surprise.... i wonder how is it this time? i wonder if shes even thinking of me...
About me!
Last few days have been quite hectic so was not able to post anything. Wanted to publish this one since my first post... Well..isnt it funny that my first post was all about anonimity and now I am telling about myself....lol...:)?
So who am I? Where am I from? Well ...I was born in India to one of the most beautiful parents in this world....grew up in the Middleeast...and am now in the US pursuing my PhD....
I am in my 20s and have been closely associated to the following places....Guwahati, Delhi, Muscat, Singapore, London and US...
My passions? Oh..i have many.......from sports to music...i love to engage myself in the following ..cricket, badminton, table tennis, squash, swimming, chess.....wished i could do better in football and basketball but never was as good as i wanted to be...
on the music side....i started playing the tabla since 3 yrs old and then picked up the guitar since 10 yrs....now am in love with my guitar and every now and then, strum it whenever im bored (which is so very often).... have tried to pick up on the piano too off late....
though a PhD student, I am NOT a nerd!!!!!.... infact...often times, i engage myself in many things except research :)..... one of my dreams (i have many) is to produce and direct a movie...i have been thinking of a script off-late and lets see how it goes....the script would revolve about my life experiences...
ok...so thts me...a PhD student in enginnering with passion in sports and music with an interest in film production! :) ....any girls reading this interested in me? lol!!!!
on the social side, i love having people around me (perhaps thts a usual trait of a libran).....would want to go out of my way to make someone smile....cant stand tears in anyone's eyes....and HATE people with egos(with exceptions) and double standards...
I have been quite unlucky regarding friendships....when I came to S******....I had met these people (about 5 of us)...everything seemed to go perfect for the first year after which people started having ego clash(A.S. with T.M.) within the group and everything just went wrong miserably!
Then a school friend of mine joined S***** and she, I and A.S., started to hang out. This was my second yr...things seemed ok too but again things started to act weird between she and A.S. And all of a sudden after the summer of 2008, she completely stopped talking to me ....its soo weird and till date i haveeee nooo freaking idea of her behaviour.... At one point of time, she used to say that she was so lucky and thankful to have friends like me and then one fine day she completely shuns herself from me!...Weird!!! And sometimes I feel that the reason for this is the fact that I am still friends with A.S. I mean, both she and A.S. were good friends with me and because they have problems between themselves, I can't compromize my relationships with either! I have always realized that in my two years at S*****, I seemed to have lost out on every friendship because of issues that was not even related to me or involved me...people here have so much egos!!!!!! I just completely hate it!.....
This year, for my quals, I had started to study with 4 people, K.B., S.A., G.T. and S.S (my roommate).... they seem to be very different people from the earlier ones I met...and our daily study routines led us to come really close to each other....i really enjoy their company but i have this apprehension and fear of losing them too....i hope that the friendships remains forever.... Btw..A.S. is still my dear friend and he is one person who continued to be my friend since 2 yrs...
Well, its kinda sad that many of my good friends are outside S******....a lot of them are in India.....infact, a childhood classmate of mine is in Delhi....we had lost touch after she left from M***** but offlate, we got back in touch and shes really adorable :).... she is one person i wished was at Stanford.... its funny coz we never spoke much when we were classmates and now, that we are miles apart, we have developed this good friendship....
on the personal front...well, i guess i can write a book on this!!! perhaps will talk about this in detail on a later post but in short....in 2002, i met this girl who went on to becoming my best friend! and sooner, we realized that we were made for each other for life! in 2003..things all become official :) and life was really really really beautiful till the year 2007..both our parents knew about us..i was really involved in their family....in 2007, she broke my heart coz she was not sure of things...i was completely devasted!.it wasnt tht everything was nice and on one fine day she comes and asks me for a break up...we did have out rough patch in the beginning of 2007 but i strongly feel that those were no reasons to ask for a break up...since 2007, my life has being miserable....its been 2 yrs since then....im trying to heal but am unable to do so...am trying to get over my past but the past always comes and haunts me....and to make things worst, my ma wants me to get settled soon!!... there are so many other NICE girls i have known par still!..im such a fool!.. sometimes I feel that I can get over my past only if I find someone else but it would be unfair for that girl who i would be dating....i just wish i can find someone who can help me out of this mess....i want to be in love again!...i want to pour out my love to someone!...Love, though can be one of the most dangerous things, is the MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED!
well..i guess enough for today....gt catch up with sleep!
So who am I? Where am I from? Well ...I was born in India to one of the most beautiful parents in this world....grew up in the Middleeast...and am now in the US pursuing my PhD....
I am in my 20s and have been closely associated to the following places....Guwahati, Delhi, Muscat, Singapore, London and US...
My passions? Oh..i have many.......from sports to music...i love to engage myself in the following ..cricket, badminton, table tennis, squash, swimming, chess.....wished i could do better in football and basketball but never was as good as i wanted to be...
on the music side....i started playing the tabla since 3 yrs old and then picked up the guitar since 10 yrs....now am in love with my guitar and every now and then, strum it whenever im bored (which is so very often).... have tried to pick up on the piano too off late....
though a PhD student, I am NOT a nerd!!!!!.... infact...often times, i engage myself in many things except research :)..... one of my dreams (i have many) is to produce and direct a movie...i have been thinking of a script off-late and lets see how it goes....the script would revolve about my life experiences...
ok...so thts me...a PhD student in enginnering with passion in sports and music with an interest in film production! :) ....any girls reading this interested in me? lol!!!!
on the social side, i love having people around me (perhaps thts a usual trait of a libran).....would want to go out of my way to make someone smile....cant stand tears in anyone's eyes....and HATE people with egos(with exceptions) and double standards...
I have been quite unlucky regarding friendships....when I came to S******....I had met these people (about 5 of us)...everything seemed to go perfect for the first year after which people started having ego clash(A.S. with T.M.) within the group and everything just went wrong miserably!
Then a school friend of mine joined S***** and she, I and A.S., started to hang out. This was my second yr...things seemed ok too but again things started to act weird between she and A.S. And all of a sudden after the summer of 2008, she completely stopped talking to me ....its soo weird and till date i haveeee nooo freaking idea of her behaviour.... At one point of time, she used to say that she was so lucky and thankful to have friends like me and then one fine day she completely shuns herself from me!...Weird!!! And sometimes I feel that the reason for this is the fact that I am still friends with A.S. I mean, both she and A.S. were good friends with me and because they have problems between themselves, I can't compromize my relationships with either! I have always realized that in my two years at S*****, I seemed to have lost out on every friendship because of issues that was not even related to me or involved me...people here have so much egos!!!!!! I just completely hate it!.....
This year, for my quals, I had started to study with 4 people, K.B., S.A., G.T. and S.S (my roommate).... they seem to be very different people from the earlier ones I met...and our daily study routines led us to come really close to each other....i really enjoy their company but i have this apprehension and fear of losing them too....i hope that the friendships remains forever.... Btw..A.S. is still my dear friend and he is one person who continued to be my friend since 2 yrs...
Well, its kinda sad that many of my good friends are outside S******....a lot of them are in India.....infact, a childhood classmate of mine is in Delhi....we had lost touch after she left from M***** but offlate, we got back in touch and shes really adorable :).... she is one person i wished was at Stanford.... its funny coz we never spoke much when we were classmates and now, that we are miles apart, we have developed this good friendship....
on the personal front...well, i guess i can write a book on this!!! perhaps will talk about this in detail on a later post but in short....in 2002, i met this girl who went on to becoming my best friend! and sooner, we realized that we were made for each other for life! in 2003..things all become official :) and life was really really really beautiful till the year 2007..both our parents knew about us..i was really involved in their family....in 2007, she broke my heart coz she was not sure of things...i was completely devasted!.it wasnt tht everything was nice and on one fine day she comes and asks me for a break up...we did have out rough patch in the beginning of 2007 but i strongly feel that those were no reasons to ask for a break up...since 2007, my life has being miserable....its been 2 yrs since then....im trying to heal but am unable to do so...am trying to get over my past but the past always comes and haunts me....and to make things worst, my ma wants me to get settled soon!!... there are so many other NICE girls i have known par still!..im such a fool!.. sometimes I feel that I can get over my past only if I find someone else but it would be unfair for that girl who i would be dating....i just wish i can find someone who can help me out of this mess....i want to be in love again!...i want to pour out my love to someone!...Love, though can be one of the most dangerous things, is the MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED!
well..i guess enough for today....gt catch up with sleep!
Friday, March 27, 2009
Introduction!
So yeah....finally, i have got bitten by the blogging bug! I never imagined that one day I would actually be doing this - blogging! I hated writing at one point of time. I hate it even now. But I realized that as i start to pen down my thoughts, I find myself expressing my inner thoughts in a manner I would normally find it impossible to do...
So what's this blog going to about? Hmm...its going to be about my experiences in life. My experiences :- from my personal life with relationships all the way to my professional life at S*******...from the encounters with the riches in C****** to the poorest of the poor in India...from the healthiest to the patients fighting cancer each day. Each experience has made me become a better person and have led me to think about life in different perspective. I hope that I can use this channel of blogging to share my experiences with all of you....i hope to make my post have a "moral of the story" (though it may be impossible to do for literally every post)...
Everyone's blog is unique in its own way.... and my blog would be no different.... some of you may already have noticed that this blog has no reference to who i am..where i am and what i do...yes you got it right...this blog is completely written anonymously by me without revealing my identity...the reason for this is that this space is for me to POUR out my inner thoughts and feelings about life and people in general...and i feel that i can be completely honest to myself only if i am anonymous. People often end up being biased in what they write and the way they write to suit their readers and I don't want to fall into that...I am assuming the readers would know that I am associated with them in someway, but they wouldnt know who I am exactly.
A major factor that led to me starting to blog goes to some of my dear friends. I have been reading several blogs for a while and I have realized that reading their blogs have made me come closer to them :) I hope that this blog could bring someone closer to me (no pun intended!)....
Finally, a very selected few people may actually know my identity - who i am, what i do, etc ,etc...To those people, I just want to say that you hold a very special place in my life and I am glad that I have found someone like you. I want to say that I would always be there for you, wherever you are, whenever you need me. I would always cherish our friendship/etc for the rest of my life. :)
So what's this blog going to about? Hmm...its going to be about my experiences in life. My experiences :- from my personal life with relationships all the way to my professional life at S*******...from the encounters with the riches in C****** to the poorest of the poor in India...from the healthiest to the patients fighting cancer each day. Each experience has made me become a better person and have led me to think about life in different perspective. I hope that I can use this channel of blogging to share my experiences with all of you....i hope to make my post have a "moral of the story" (though it may be impossible to do for literally every post)...
Everyone's blog is unique in its own way.... and my blog would be no different.... some of you may already have noticed that this blog has no reference to who i am..where i am and what i do...yes you got it right...this blog is completely written anonymously by me without revealing my identity...the reason for this is that this space is for me to POUR out my inner thoughts and feelings about life and people in general...and i feel that i can be completely honest to myself only if i am anonymous. People often end up being biased in what they write and the way they write to suit their readers and I don't want to fall into that...I am assuming the readers would know that I am associated with them in someway, but they wouldnt know who I am exactly.
A major factor that led to me starting to blog goes to some of my dear friends. I have been reading several blogs for a while and I have realized that reading their blogs have made me come closer to them :) I hope that this blog could bring someone closer to me (no pun intended!)....
Finally, a very selected few people may actually know my identity - who i am, what i do, etc ,etc...To those people, I just want to say that you hold a very special place in my life and I am glad that I have found someone like you. I want to say that I would always be there for you, wherever you are, whenever you need me. I would always cherish our friendship/etc for the rest of my life. :)
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