So past few days have been filled with anxiety on one particular aspect which I don't want to mention abhi... I think I am crazy! I am myself the cause of so much anxiety in me. Tommorow (or rather today) is D day.
I just hope everything goes fine. I am excited, nervous, anxious, what not! In just 24 hours, everything will be more clear, the anxiety will be clear (hopefully). O gosh, I just want to get over with it! Seriously! And time just seems to crawl! O Einstein, why does relativity exist!!! I think I should sleep. That way, I can reach closer to my destination in time space. (ok i have lost it now completely)
Watch out for my next post as to what it is really. I am apprehensive about sharing it abhi.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
A night with DJ Suketu
Day before yesterday, DJ Suketu was in town and was performing in a club. So we all decided to go for it! It's been ages since I danced and I really wanted to come out of my boring life at Stanford. So I thought, why not check this out!? :) I heard many of his remixes and I liked most of them.
Reached the place around 11:30pm. There were about 7-8 of us. The music was good! Though I think I expected more. And ya, I just realized how C******* is not short of good looking girls :). There were some of the sexiest girls out there. (I'm being a typical guy now,lol)
And for a change, the girl to guy ratio in our group was skewed in our favour! There were 2 of us who were male versus 6 of our female friends! lol!!! Finally, some justice to us, seriously! :)
Overall, it was fun. Got back home around 2:45am. I think its high time I start exploring my social life outside Stanford campus. DJ Aqeel would be coming to the area in 3 weeks! So lets see. :)
Reached the place around 11:30pm. There were about 7-8 of us. The music was good! Though I think I expected more. And ya, I just realized how C******* is not short of good looking girls :). There were some of the sexiest girls out there. (I'm being a typical guy now,lol)
And for a change, the girl to guy ratio in our group was skewed in our favour! There were 2 of us who were male versus 6 of our female friends! lol!!! Finally, some justice to us, seriously! :)
Overall, it was fun. Got back home around 2:45am. I think its high time I start exploring my social life outside Stanford campus. DJ Aqeel would be coming to the area in 3 weeks! So lets see. :)
Friday, May 8, 2009
My Guitar...
So...its 4:30am in the morning and for the past 6 hours, I have been constantly doing one thing I enjoy most - playing my guitar!
Ya. Well, it started at around 10:30pm at night, when I thought I'll just strum it and since then, it's just been amazing. I got my electric guitar from M**, so started off with some 'Rock On' music. Phir I picked up 'Sweet Child O Mine' from Guns and Roses. My roommate came around that time and we started singing. It was nice and then he went off to sleep and my passion for music continued!
I also picked up the song, "Sweet Home Alabama". O well, I think I need to sleep now :)
PS: Hope you all like some of my new recordings...its about one and a half minute long...its not perfect yet but i am getting there :)
Ya. Well, it started at around 10:30pm at night, when I thought I'll just strum it and since then, it's just been amazing. I got my electric guitar from M**, so started off with some 'Rock On' music. Phir I picked up 'Sweet Child O Mine' from Guns and Roses. My roommate came around that time and we started singing. It was nice and then he went off to sleep and my passion for music continued!
I also picked up the song, "Sweet Home Alabama". O well, I think I need to sleep now :)
PS: Hope you all like some of my new recordings...its about one and a half minute long...its not perfect yet but i am getting there :)
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Burn the fat, not the fuel
Hmm, I have realized that I spend a major portion of my life in something to which there is no mention in my blog. So I thought I'll dedicate that thing to this entry! So what is that thing? You got it right - it's my gym!
Over the past few months, there has been some serious business going on here in the other half of my life (yes, my love life is not the ONLY thing in my life). I have been into serious gyming. When I realized that I was turning 25 soon, I thought ki, perhaps, life may not give me another chance.
Till, a year or two back, I was never into gyming, body building etc. But now, I have got this motivation to have the sexiest body in this planet! I don't know why! lol! And ya, summer is coming up. So what's more fun than showing off some of your curves, especially, when you have them! :)
So what's my gyming schedule. Well, I go everyday in the evening. I start of with cardio for about 30-60 minutes and then after that I go do weights. For weights, I work different muscle groups on alternate days. One day, I work on chest, biceps and abs and the second day, I work on shoulder, back, triceps and abs. Weight training takes another 30-45 mins. So in total, I end up spending about 2 hours in the gym. After the 2 hours, I don't feel exhausted but infact, refreshed! Yes, you read it right. Most times, I am dull and lazy before my workout and refreshed thereafter. And the most interesting thing is that, somehow, I am able to connect to my spiritual self during my workout!
Anyways, "All gym and no proper diet makes A**** a dull boy." Your fooding habit is as important if not more. So I make sure I eat something before I go to the gym so as to get energized. And after my workout, I eat a good protein rich dinner. Did you know that the actual process of muscle building is after the workout and not during? Infact, muscle tears apart when you work out and it's only after the work out that it regrows to form a stronger muscle. So protein is a MUST after workout.
And ya, I try to make sure my metabolism is at its peak. So I follow "Breakfast like a prince, Lunch like a king and Dinner like a beggar" strategy. These days, I am trying to follow a salad rich diet with the exceptions of weekends. Itna toh sacrifice karna padega if I am trying for 6 pack...lol !
Life mein I may not get another chance. So I just want to utilize my age and resources and make the most out of it! I am getting there!
Over the past few months, there has been some serious business going on here in the other half of my life (yes, my love life is not the ONLY thing in my life). I have been into serious gyming. When I realized that I was turning 25 soon, I thought ki, perhaps, life may not give me another chance.
Till, a year or two back, I was never into gyming, body building etc. But now, I have got this motivation to have the sexiest body in this planet! I don't know why! lol! And ya, summer is coming up. So what's more fun than showing off some of your curves, especially, when you have them! :)
So what's my gyming schedule. Well, I go everyday in the evening. I start of with cardio for about 30-60 minutes and then after that I go do weights. For weights, I work different muscle groups on alternate days. One day, I work on chest, biceps and abs and the second day, I work on shoulder, back, triceps and abs. Weight training takes another 30-45 mins. So in total, I end up spending about 2 hours in the gym. After the 2 hours, I don't feel exhausted but infact, refreshed! Yes, you read it right. Most times, I am dull and lazy before my workout and refreshed thereafter. And the most interesting thing is that, somehow, I am able to connect to my spiritual self during my workout!
Anyways, "All gym and no proper diet makes A**** a dull boy." Your fooding habit is as important if not more. So I make sure I eat something before I go to the gym so as to get energized. And after my workout, I eat a good protein rich dinner. Did you know that the actual process of muscle building is after the workout and not during? Infact, muscle tears apart when you work out and it's only after the work out that it regrows to form a stronger muscle. So protein is a MUST after workout.
And ya, I try to make sure my metabolism is at its peak. So I follow "Breakfast like a prince, Lunch like a king and Dinner like a beggar" strategy. These days, I am trying to follow a salad rich diet with the exceptions of weekends. Itna toh sacrifice karna padega if I am trying for 6 pack...lol !
Life mein I may not get another chance. So I just want to utilize my age and resources and make the most out of it! I am getting there!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
समय
So today, I had a long long conversation with ma; about things in general. It was nice coz I was able to see her on the webcam after a long time.
Our conversation revolved mainly around my "personal" life. And the conversation did not make me feel any better. My mom made one comment which is striking me really hard - "Don't let time be the deciding factor".
Gosh, now I am so much at a fix! Seriously, what she said was right. I mean, how can one let 'time' affect the remaining years of my lives. And over here, we are talking about time as in plus minus 1-2 years which could have a huge impact for the rest of my 50 years. It's just so strange!
Till few weeks back, I thought I would not get married in the next 4 years (not because I don't want to, but because I thought I would not be able to find the right person before that), and all of a sudden, thinking of marriage in the next 1 year gives me goosebumps. But then, like they say, 'Time waits for no-one.' I wish I was not here but somewhere else. I just need that one thing to make things certain before it is too late, that's it.
Its 4am in the morning and I think I seriously need to go to sleep. Enough of thinking! I suppose I should just leave it to Him.
Our conversation revolved mainly around my "personal" life. And the conversation did not make me feel any better. My mom made one comment which is striking me really hard - "Don't let time be the deciding factor".
Gosh, now I am so much at a fix! Seriously, what she said was right. I mean, how can one let 'time' affect the remaining years of my lives. And over here, we are talking about time as in plus minus 1-2 years which could have a huge impact for the rest of my 50 years. It's just so strange!
Till few weeks back, I thought I would not get married in the next 4 years (not because I don't want to, but because I thought I would not be able to find the right person before that), and all of a sudden, thinking of marriage in the next 1 year gives me goosebumps. But then, like they say, 'Time waits for no-one.' I wish I was not here but somewhere else. I just need that one thing to make things certain before it is too late, that's it.
Its 4am in the morning and I think I seriously need to go to sleep. Enough of thinking! I suppose I should just leave it to Him.
Monday, May 4, 2009
To let go...
So today, I spoke to her. We had a discussion about "us". And as much as it makes me sad about the outcome of the discussion, the fact is that perhaps, there is no "us". And it's sad that it's for practical reasons. I wish I could just go ahead and tell her what she means to me but then I can't. There is a part of me that wants me to just go ahead and make her a part of my life, but then the other half of me says something else. It's so frustrating and it just wouldn't be fair for her.
Life bhi ajeeb hai. When we just realized that there is no future, kuch kuch hone lagta hai mere dil mein. I'm feeling suffocated from within. Something in me makes me feel really sad. So much has happened in the past few weeks, so much and now that it seems to be all over, I just can't seem to let go of her from my mind. Perhaps, time is the only solution to all this.
She tells me she is not expressive enough for me. Just now, I saw something that makes me completely think otherwise. There were also certain other things that do make me feel she is just as expressive as I want her to be. For eg, that night when we spoke over phone. Anyways. I don't even know why I am trying to justify all this abhi.
She tells me she would like to settle down soon and I don't know why I am not able to oblige that.
O gosh, time time time. Only if we were a year or two younger. It's a life decision and it sux to not be able to be with someone because of time.
Khair, I just seem to circle around this topic all the time! Guess, this whole thing about relationships and love has impacted me sooo soooo much!
But then, no one knows what lies ahead. And I just hope whatever happens, happens for the best. And ya, she would still be referred to as the "adorable one" in my blog. She is just so sweet. :)
It's weird how there are some relationships which are not defined. I don't know what she and I just shared the past few weeks. We can't say we were friends. Nor can we say we were a couple.
And to you, the adorable one, just be the way you are. Never change! God Bless You Always! We still have our "27 year old" pact, right? :)
"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."
Life bhi ajeeb hai. When we just realized that there is no future, kuch kuch hone lagta hai mere dil mein. I'm feeling suffocated from within. Something in me makes me feel really sad. So much has happened in the past few weeks, so much and now that it seems to be all over, I just can't seem to let go of her from my mind. Perhaps, time is the only solution to all this.
She tells me she is not expressive enough for me. Just now, I saw something that makes me completely think otherwise. There were also certain other things that do make me feel she is just as expressive as I want her to be. For eg, that night when we spoke over phone. Anyways. I don't even know why I am trying to justify all this abhi.
She tells me she would like to settle down soon and I don't know why I am not able to oblige that.
O gosh, time time time. Only if we were a year or two younger. It's a life decision and it sux to not be able to be with someone because of time.
Khair, I just seem to circle around this topic all the time! Guess, this whole thing about relationships and love has impacted me sooo soooo much!
But then, no one knows what lies ahead. And I just hope whatever happens, happens for the best. And ya, she would still be referred to as the "adorable one" in my blog. She is just so sweet. :)
It's weird how there are some relationships which are not defined. I don't know what she and I just shared the past few weeks. We can't say we were friends. Nor can we say we were a couple.
And to you, the adorable one, just be the way you are. Never change! God Bless You Always! We still have our "27 year old" pact, right? :)
"We all have our time machines. Some take us back, they're called memories. Some take us forward, they're called dreams."
Sunday, May 3, 2009
:(
The past 2 days have not been so good for me... i have been really sad and pissed off with a lot of things, not with anyone in particular but i guess just generally with the situation....
Well, one thing tht does make me really sad is that a "possibility" has been ruled out... and for mostly "practical" reasons. Well, "practical", i really dont know wt to say. I feel its all in the person's mind. You want something to happen, you can make it happen. One can't just do nothing about it and hope everything would work out.
Few days back, I spoke to the adorable one, and she wanted to discuss about the possibility, being practical or not, and she felt it was not working.
She has reduced her communications with me, and I have been feeling really lonely ever since. Perhaps I have already gotten so attached to her...or i dont know wt....
sometimes i feel so weird...all we talk about is practicality..etc....well..what about FEELINGS and EMOTIONS then? where did they just disappear? i mean how can u change a feeling towards someone just so instantly...its so strange! sometimes i wonder if she ever liked me?
it just pisses me off when things dont work out coz of practical issues...coz i feel things can be made practical if we wanted too...and talking about what we want...we still dont know...and the biggest problem is we dont have time!
its strange...her behavior towards me seems so unpredictable... sometimes shes extra nice...sometimes shes so blunt... and that is definitely not helping me to be certain about things...i really wish she shared her feelings about all this with me..i mean, just saying that "this does not seem to be working" is not the solution...we both need to talk...TALK in detail about this...This is a very important decision in life...
i can understand her point of view... she wants to settle down soon, and i m not able to commit without being certain...ab mein kya karu? :( shes such a nice person ... i dont want to regret later...
at the end of the day... certain steps are taken for "practical" issues...n its sad if they overrule feelings...
Well, one thing tht does make me really sad is that a "possibility" has been ruled out... and for mostly "practical" reasons. Well, "practical", i really dont know wt to say. I feel its all in the person's mind. You want something to happen, you can make it happen. One can't just do nothing about it and hope everything would work out.
Few days back, I spoke to the adorable one, and she wanted to discuss about the possibility, being practical or not, and she felt it was not working.
She has reduced her communications with me, and I have been feeling really lonely ever since. Perhaps I have already gotten so attached to her...or i dont know wt....
sometimes i feel so weird...all we talk about is practicality..etc....well..what about FEELINGS and EMOTIONS then? where did they just disappear? i mean how can u change a feeling towards someone just so instantly...its so strange! sometimes i wonder if she ever liked me?
it just pisses me off when things dont work out coz of practical issues...coz i feel things can be made practical if we wanted too...and talking about what we want...we still dont know...and the biggest problem is we dont have time!
its strange...her behavior towards me seems so unpredictable... sometimes shes extra nice...sometimes shes so blunt... and that is definitely not helping me to be certain about things...i really wish she shared her feelings about all this with me..i mean, just saying that "this does not seem to be working" is not the solution...we both need to talk...TALK in detail about this...This is a very important decision in life...
i can understand her point of view... she wants to settle down soon, and i m not able to commit without being certain...ab mein kya karu? :( shes such a nice person ... i dont want to regret later...
at the end of the day... certain steps are taken for "practical" issues...n its sad if they overrule feelings...
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